Dear reader, by now you have probably been following, or have seen the films I have been reviewing in my 31 Days of Christmas series. In order to showcase films of all genres and budgets, I am pleased (obligated) to bring my review of Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas in the Dark! A film written and directed by Travis Irvine and a sequel to the apparent sleepy YouTube hit Coons! Night of the Bandits of the Night. Produced with a budget of only $50,000 and filmed entirely on location in Nelsonville, Ohio, it is currently for rental on Amazon Prime for $4.99 which means every person who rents it contributes about 1/10000 of its budget. Even that seems a little too much.
From the very beginning of the film, it is clear not only is this a low budget film but a crude and rude one at that. The opening shots of the space station/weapon are intentionally phallic even as we are introduced to the opening credit theme song, “Christmas in Outer Space.” We then find out hero, for lack of a better word, Ty Small Wood (Yang Miller) who is just getting out of prison for underage drinking after the events of the previous raccoon rampage 10 years ago.
Insider the secret hidden headquarters, we meet the Secretary of Defense (Tom Lyons) as well as an assortment of other characters including General Negligence (Ron Lynch), General Apathy (Ron Jeremy), and other agents known as Agent Man and Agent Woman. We also find the name of the weapon is the PEN15, which explains its appearance in the opening credits.
Chaos ensues as Ty (now Casey) boards a train with his dead girlfriend’s sister to go to Washington DC and unknowingly ends up being the only hope to defeat his nemesis Ranger Rick Danger (Mitch Rose) who is also on the train. But it isn’t Washington DC, it’s the town of Washington that lies just outside of an area known as Dark Christmas in the Dark.
All of the “bad guys” are easily identifiable as they have wigs (usually) and all have eyepatches and raccoon scratches on their faces. If you were expecting CGI raccoons to the tune of Guardians of the Galaxy, remember this movie was made for $50,000. The raccoons are taxidermy animals who do not actually move or articulate, with movements provided by someone holding them from below. They carry machine guns when they are out on patrol.
One by one, Small Wood takes out the critters, eventually stealing the golden VHS tape that controls the weapon out in space. “You should’ve made a copy” reports on the baddies. I will leave the surprise (not really) ending in suspense for you to see for yourself.
This film is obviously made as a parody, but parodies don’t have to be so bad. Take The Naked Gun for instance. The gags in the film are way over-used and much of the humor would appease 12-year-old boys, but that is about the only thing they would be interested in. Ron Jeremy is probably the best actor in the film as one of the Generals and that is saying something. He has a great delivery and I must say one of the only good things about the film.
The film also contains a few things that are way not-funny. For instance, there is a way out of place reference to 9/11 in the train station, and also the film’s only black actor can only say the shortened version of a raccoon.
The film obviously wanted to be a campy B movie and go down in cinematic history as a funny cult film. However, it is too campy for campy and nothing ever seems to land. Save your $4.99 and buy an ice cream cone at DQ.